THE BAD 8 - PART VI

Lincoln Town Car

For a second there, you thought it was still 1994. Ford Motor Company is still selling the Lincoln Town Car. It still weighs over 4,300 pounds, generates no more than 239 horsepower, and suffers from a suspension system that's independent only at the front of the car. The transmission in this luxury car makes use of just four speeds. Park a smart fortwo alongside and enjoy the complete view of the heavily chromed wheels. Step inside, and although high-in-features and comfortable, the all-around design and ugly column shifter make you think high-end Wal-Mart.

So Lincoln's Town Car is slow, overweight, humongous, ugly, and antiquated. A surprising amount of Town Car buyers are individuals (65%) rather than taxi/limo/hearse buyers, but even with the '60% repeat customer' tagline, that first number is appallingly low. Unfortunately, the latest news seems to show that the upcoming MKS will not boot the Town Car from showrooms.

For now, the best we can do is place the Lincoln Town Car on The Bad 8 as a recommended "AVOID" for 2008.

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Alternatives: Chrysler 300C SRT8, Cadillac STS, Lexus ES350, Audi A6

Necessary Incentivizing To Switch To The Good 12: 50% off + the paperwork required to progress the sale to your Floridian great-uncle.

Anything Else? Forget what the Lincoln reps might tell you: the platform on which every Town Car rests (named Panther) was introduced in 1978 in Ford and Mercury showrooms and in 1980 for the Town Car.