THE BAD 8 - PART VIII

SAAB 9-5

While neither pretty or ugly; fast or slow; cheap or expensive; poorly constructed or tough-as-nails, the Saab 9-5's overwhelming mediocrity and unchanging attitude solidify its position in this oh-so-undesirable group.

Fifteen years ago I sat in the passenger seat of a Saab 9000. The throttle hit the mat, the turbo eventually spooled, and the kick in the back was unbelievable. Not much has changed in the last decade or two - except for the fact that the kick in the back is now completely believable. Stronger kicks are available elsewhere.

Whether its Beckenbauer or Beckham; Ronaldo or Ronaldinho, eventually everybody steps off the field for the last time. Saab has left the 9-5 on the table long past the time the coffee went stale and the Coca-Cola lost its fizz. The best before date sailed past many years ago.

It's unlikely you will ever see a car facelifted as many times as the Saab 9-5 has been nipped and tucked in the last six years alone. In fact, few cars - if any - will ever see a model continuation cycle like that which GM afflicted upon Saab. What was once a more than decent car has become an oft-ridiculed, frequently-derided, overpriced mockery of the Swedish automotive industry.

-----

Alternatives: Audi A6, Infiniti G35, BMW 335i

Necessary Incentivizing To Switch To The Good 12: Buy a Saab 9-5 and receive 50% off guaranteed production prices of the Aero X.

Anything Else? The 9-5 is not jet-inspired, or jet-derived, or jet-powered, or jet-fast either.